I got a call yesterday from a friend's sister who is a journalism student and working on a submission to Elle Magazine on how to layer heavy textures like fur (synthetic of course) over other garments. She contacted me for an interview as she felt that, working in the fashion industry, I would have a good sense of how to approach this topic. The interview went great and I am excited to see the final edit of her piece. I'm sure it will be magnificent! I had a fabulous catalog shoot yesterday for Blue Moon Jewelry with Rob Davidson as well. Tonight I had a small shoot with Craig for a future Subspace flyer. Using various Shibari techniques, he tied me in a seated position to bamboo sticks. We then did a set with various chest harnesses and collars. Afterwards, we relaxed in the hot tub with a glass of wine. I hadn't been in a hot tub in years. I had forgotten the joys of the jets! Tomorrow I am modeling for the workshop being held at Creative Image Studios and on Sunday I am modeling for a fashion photography workshop for high school students. I feel like I have found the person balance between work, play, and snuggling with my kitten. And right now, I am doing the latter. Here are a couple teasers from my second shoot with Erwyn Loewen. There will be more to come! Makeup and hair was done by Wendy Rorong and styling was, of course, the genius of Sarah Kelpin.

"Show me how sorry you are." I purr into the sheets and graciously accept your atonement. Your body screams expiation. You press your palm into mine and utter the mantra that lines your hands as my mouth mimics yours. The prophet in your living room tells me that I am running a weak line, that the mid-life will shake me. I don't know any better and don't care to. Of all the love songs that I have written, yours is still unfinished, and that is why I don't write anymore; beauty is a much more toilsome thing to capture than anything. And you are so lovely in your ripped jeans and petticoat. How do I make redress for that? I can't promise you salvation. I can't promise you my golden years. I can't promise you anything but love and a fucking symphony.

Life is good. On Saturday I had an incredible creative with Carlo Calope, one of my favourite people on the planet. Jourdan and I spent that evening with his friend Garth and his wife, Gabby (also of Next). We held a kitty playdate for George and their adorable kitten Kinga (who did not seem to enjoy each other). The following day, I had a beauty shoot with Alejandro Sandoval that went wonderfully. Yesterday, I had a commercial casting and an avant-garde hair shoot with Babak and Daniel Van Michael. This week, I will be shooting with Blue Moon Jewelry, Craig Galbraith for Subspace Fetish Night, and modeling for two fashion photography workshops. Here is an image from a shoot I had recently with Mark of Exposed Imaging for a class assignment that he had to complete that required the use of light as a subject.

Sometimes the inability to relate is in itself completion and the simplicity of a need-to-know basis, elegance. Over-analyze this.

Busy, busy, busy. In the last week I've shot with Alejandro Sandoval, Mckenzie James for Hot Cake, and Erwyn Loewen. I also had a casting with representatives from Face Models International in Tokyo and with representatives from Marc Anthony Salon from New York. This month is shaping up to be rich with both jobs and high quality creatives. Speaking of, I can finally share the images from my creative with Denny Lee. Hair and makeup was the work of Andrea Kertesz and styling was by Ashley Storm.

Late on Friday afternoon, Jourdan and I found ourselves wandering into the Toronto Humane Society for the third time in two weeks, oggling the kitties. Having been there the day before as well, we were surprised to see that many of the cats from the day before were gone and that so many new ones had arrived. Then we spotted a familiar face from the day before, George. At a mere two months old, George was the smallest kitten there and had his face pressed into his mother's belly but would jump up and come to greet us everytime we passed by. We had our eyes on a couple older cats as well but opted to adopt a kitten due to the fact that the Humane Society won't let you touch any of the animals, even if you're ready to adopt (a policy that definitely needs to be revised) and none of the staff there seemed able to give us any information on any of their personalities. We were debating between George and another kitten when we noticed that another young couple behind us was about to enquire about George too! We practically threw ourselves on the counter and screamed "George!!!" (don't worry, the other couple opted for another little guy). George has adjusted to his new home magnificently. He is fearless and definitely LOVES attention and having his head rubbed. After the first day of having quite a number of accidents, George quickly took to his litter box and is now a pro. He follows us around the house, loves curling up between us for a nap and, I swear, purrs 24/7. I don't know how I ever lived without him. He's the love of my life!

( Pussy behind the cut )

I have spent the last several weeks immersing myself in every fashion bible known to man- from the acerbic wit of Janice Dickinson to the iconism of Scavullo to the legacy and empire of Halston. I have such a hunger, such a carnal hankering for this. For success. And I ache at night worrying that the world is moving too slowly, haunted by the ghosts of Balenciaga and Versace. To be anything beyond an Aurolac kid would be a delight and a pleasure that I crave to share with you.

I spent Halloween this year working the door at Subspace (where only one person was kind enough to bring us candy!!!) and the night before was passed seeing Kiss and Ozzy Osbourne tribute bands. Here are several photos from this past weekend.

Every beast has its nature and even hyenas are self effacing. So Hanover consumed you and raked its teeth with an olive branch toothpick. Toronto: split screen. Parity.

This morning I completed the final scenes for the Arkells' "Pullin' Punches" music video with Davin Black. We shot in a downtown loft with a six month old baby girl who was cast as my daughter in the video. Normally, I find babies creepy but even I will admit, this one was extremely cute and very sweet. Afterwards, Jourdan came to meet me at the Toronto Humane Society. We have been discussing getting a cat for some time now and were interested to see the little guys at THS. We fell in love with two very different but very beautiful cats. The first was a three month old black and white domestic shorthair named Baker. She had the most amazing disposition I have ever seen in a kitten. Secondly, we bonded with a six year old tortoiseshell domestic shorthair named Marbles. Marbles is very special as, due to a particularly vicious upper respiratory infection in her past, she has lost both of her eyes. Her tear ducts have been removed and her eyelids have since been sewn together to prevent infection. We didn't even notice that she was missing her eyes at first as she came running to the front of the cage to greet us, sensing us immediately, and began to purr and melt in our hands. We definitely have some thinking to do. 

November is shaping up to be pretty exciting already in terms of work. Here is the final image from my shoot from last February with Sideshowsito! Hair and makeup was by Natasha Desjardins and the corset was provided by Starkers Corsetry. Logistically, this was an incredibly difficult concept to bring to fruition but Sito is amazing and I am very pleased with the outcome.

This was probably the best birthday I've ever had. It began with shooting a major campaign for Tanda Skincare System with Martin Goldie in the afternoon. This was the biggest client I have ever booked. Tanda is sold in Shopper's Drug Mart and Sephora, so seeing myself on their packaging and advertisements is going to be surreal. At the end of the shoot, I went into the bathroom to change back into my own clothes. When I re-emerged, the entire crew were standing outside the bathroom door and Martin had a birthday cake in hand! Afterwards, once back at Jourdan's house, more birthday surprises occurred. He gave me some of the most thoughtful gifts that I have ever received and then blindfolded me and lead me into the bedroom for another surprise. I walked in to find the room lit with at least a hundred candles. I had told him a long time ago that my favourite smell in the world is that of candles immediately after they are blown out (it reminds me of birthdays). Once I had blown out all of the candles, we laid in bed and enjoyed the smell until it was time to meet up with Ian and Elena at the Gladstone to see the Skin Tight Outta Sight burlesque show.

On Wednesday, Jourdan, Chris and I watched a Toronto Drag Kings performance and then finished the night off at the Brass Raille. Saturday was enjoyable as well. The day began early with a long rehearsal for Northbound Leather's Tribe fashion show where I was cast as a vampire. I enjoyed the eleven hours prior to the actual show in the company of my fellow vampires. James, my "vampire twin" and I were to lead our human "fang-banging" victim, Mason, out down the runway while licking and kissing him while touching each other. Once we were about to sink our fangs in, the queen vampire, Jen, stopped us and took the first bite. We both then began to join the feast before draining Mason's blood into a goblet. I didn't stay for very long after the show but I really enjoyed my night. Tonight, Jourdan and I went to go see some improv at Black Dog Theatre where we kept yelling out dirty suggestions for the comedians to act out. ^.^ Lastly, here is an absolutely amazing picture of me drawn by Superego Necropolis.

They're certainly entitled to think that, and they're entitled to full respect for their opinions...but before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. the one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience."- Harper Lee.

Yesterday was an experience and a half. I was on the set of the music video for Arkells' "Pullin' Punches" where I was cast as the lead female. Due to a baby not showing up, several of the scenes that I was to in were not completed (and may or not be completed at a later date) which was a little disappointing but I certainly don't regret agreeing to this project. I had the amazing opportunity to work with the award-winning director Davin Black, and to hang out with one of the tightest-sounding Canadian acts that I've heard in a while. Their record label has been super cool too, offering to send me some free merch and tickets. The fourteen and a half hour day didn't feel that long as I got to spend some of it with Jourdan who was awesome enough to come and help out as an extra. Here are the final images from my shoot last week with Negin Sairafi for Propaganda on Queen Street West. Hair and makeup was by Molly Adey, styling was by Robin Vengroff, and the other model was Randi Chapados.

This is the end of the end. The end of seeing all times as all times. The end of forcing optimism into the nooks and crannies that refuse to house it. The end of entertaining unlikely possibilities that delude rather than compose. All the crescendos in the world knuckle in to be ignored. Overlooked, as underdogs are.

This is shaping up to be an uncharacteristically slow week. Only a couple days into it, I'm already losing my mind. I feel completely on edge when I'm not working. I'm putting the time to good use though, promoting the hell out of myself and hitting the gym hard. I'll be working with Negin Sairafi and Robin Vengroff again on Friday which I am looking forward to. On October 24th I'm also going to be walking in the fashion show for Northbound Leather's 13th annual fetish fashion party, Tribe. I'm sitting on some really amazing pictures right now that I can't post as they're being used for magazine submissions so, for now, enjoy my tomfoolery at a Brazillian club on the day of my Boopooshmooroo's birthday (as well as a random self-portrait I took recently). This was the night that I pretty much broke my kneecap...

I remember the summer I fell in love with a pyromaniac, unknowingly of course. He said, "Flames are my Babylon and you are my Persia." And that's the thing about fire: it either purifies or consumes.

This weekend was considerably more interesting than usual. On Saturday, I had a shoot with Carlo Calope of which I am ecstatic with the results and, that evening, I worked a quick gogo dancing shift at Guvernment. On Sunday, I shot with Ian Compton for a submission to Cheek Magazine that involved two very sexy ladies in drag. WAY too much fun was had! That evening, I ended up venturing out for a late night drink with Fetus. Thanksgiving was enjoyable as well. Jourdan and my half brother, Alan, came over and my entire family took part in the world's most competitive game of Wii Bowling. Seriously, it got downright violent! ^.^ Here are some shots from a recent shoot for I Clothing Co with Babak.

Greetings, citizens. We are living in the age where the pursuit of all values other than money, success, fame and glamour, has either been discredited or destroyed.

I had a good time in Kitchener yesterday shooting with Iris Photography. I swear, I spotted a younger blue-eyed reincarnation of Gia Carangi on the Greyhound bus! It was quite creepy. This morning, I had a casting through Next with Body & Soul Models, an agency based in Germany. I got a lot of positive feedback from the agency director. My weekend will be jam-packed with creatives: a fashion shoot with Carlo Calope and a shoot with Ian Compton for Cheek Magazine that will involve drag kings! Until I lose this last inch on my hips though, major work through the agency is going to remain at a temporary standstill. I am working so hard to get my measurements down and am frustrated by how slow it is happening. Here are the final images from my shoot with Sang Nguyen for Sodaliscious' most recent campaign. The makeup artist was Amanda Sousa, hair was by Angela Min and Micheal R. Shire, jewelry was by 3shahs, styling was by Tania Pedro, graphic designing was by Patrick Luu, and the other two models were Linna Chang and Meghan Chayka.

Fragility. I'm too hard for it, hard as nails, hardly the girl you walk home. But how do you define it and what purpose does it serve? To whom does it reach and to what end? "You gain power      by pretending to be weak. By contrast, you make people feel strong. You save people by letting them save you. All you have to do is be fragile and grateful. So stay the underdog. People really need somebody to feel superior to. So stay downtrodden. People need somebody they can send a check to at Christmas. So stay poor. "Charity" isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind."- Chuck Palahniuk. If this is what you mean then I gladly refute the title. But there does exist something else...maybe it you knew me better you could assign a more fitting noun to it.

On Saturday I worked my first go-go dancing gig for a private party at Pacha Lounge. I went into it with huge reservations but within moments of meeting the seven other girls, my concerns melted away and I felt completely comfortable. In fact, I felt better than comfortable. I felt fucking FABULOUS! The eight of us, like a perverted army, stomped around the club chatting up strangers and took turns dancing on the podiums. I volunteered to go first and ended up going up for five more sets! The music was great, the atmosphere was great, the people were great, and for the first time in probably my entire life, I felt completely comfortable in my own skin. My salsa/hip hop/samba/belly dance training definitely came in handy as, out of nowhere, a parade (marching band and all) erupted in the middle of the club and samba dancers in full regalia came out and we were asked to join them for a performance. What a workout! I left the club feeling on top of the world. I'm hooked and can't wait to do it again! I spent yesterday in St. Catharines shooting for Neon Buddha's catalogue. I thoroughly enjoyed my solo adventure around Ontario and will definitely also be seeking out more work outside of Toronto. In fact, I have a shoot tomorrow in Kitchener. I have so many new photos to post but, for now, here are a couple snapshots taken at Pacha Lounge on Saturday. Behold: my sexy lady friends!

"Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate."- Germaine Greer. It is a terrible terrible condition this fragmentation; pieces of the self splitting off and spiraling out in all directions. Heroines on heroin and Geraldo Rivera. Snorting glamour, snorting carbon copies. And I am terribly terribly worse for wear.

After completing Friday's video shoot, it was time to go out for Elena's birthday. The night began with a nice get-together at her boyfriend's house and ending with me doing "the sprinkler" in a Brazillian club. Fun times! I worked the door for Subspace on Saturday but, otherwise, it was a fairly low-key weekend. Here are some shots from my shoot with Tony Di Lorenzo for Decadent Designs. Makeup was by Mishelle Madigan and hair was by Hayley Madigan. There will be more from this shoot in a future post.

My nails are too weathered to scratch through this. But this is all surface anyways. Surface and filler, filler and surface. I'm not an addict, I'm just weathering a lie.

I spent Monday and Tuesday in Woodbridge doing a hair shoot for the Metro Beauty Academy and had a casting for a jewelry shoot on Wednesday. Tomorrow morning I'll be working on a video project with Glenn MacIntosh which examines perceptions of beauty and gender roles. Here is the final image from my test with Arkan Zakharov. Styling was by Shan Sarwar. No makeup in the shot on the right!

I saw an old picture of you and was inspired to write this. We're seventeen and I'm handing you back your yearbook. You squint, trying to decipher the scribbles I have inscribed. Among the intendment, I declare my infatuation for somebody else, a fictional character that happens to materialize often, in my lyrics and in my classroom. You laugh. I'm deadly serious. Eventually I stop flinching when you try to hold my hand in public. But the flinching still surfaces in other ways. Deadlier ways. We're sitting on the steps in Lawrence Station. You trace my vertebrae and call me a dinosaur. I tell you about my dog named Segway. End scene. Screen flashes to a humid night in July. Your friends are giving me an education on psychotropics; I am wearing a turquoise dress and running an inventory. You leave the country shortly after and come back to less of me. You don't understand. Fall happens and I make Houdini proud. We don't touch and this suits both of us: my body is as fragile as your sense of manliness. In the months to come I will begin the necessary recoil from the dark of your laundry room where the sewage lines break over and over again. You will ooze an unattainable sexuality that I will never see paralleled. I never feel you fully. We begin our diminuendo, running through wax museums. I am on autopilot, switching on only to make deals with the Devil. And the Devil's in the details (and the details are deadly). We watch movies to keep me mute. It is now my turn to flee the country. I flinch and then the rest is history. 

I had an audition for an Axe spray commercial yesterday and, because the guy-to-girl ration was way askew, I had to audition three times with three different men. ALL of whom I more-or-less had to grope. It's a tough life. ;) I am looking forward to some much needed R&R this weekend. The man-boy and I are going to Canada's Wonderland on Saturday and on Sunday, we're attending a family get-together of mine. September has been REALLY good to me. I've grossed the highest earnings per any one month since I began modeling, booking work every day so far with exception of four days this month. And it doesn't seem to be letting up any. I got a callback for the Kohl's department store commercial on Sunday and booked a two day hair shoot in Woodbridge for Monday and Tuesday. Here are some images from my test with Negin Sairafi. Makeup and hair was by Natalie Ventola, styling was by Robin Vengroff, and jewelry was by Nicole Kagan.

A very peculiar thing happened. A local photographer contacted me, offering to hire me as the hostess/server for his birthday party. The pay was quite generous so I agreed. The crowd ended up being an older crowd of mainly neuroscientists, biochemists and psychologists. And I ended up being not the hostess/server, but the dreaded bartender. And I say "dreaded" because being someone that seldom drinks, I'm ashamed to say I lack much knowledge about alcoholic beverages (particularly wines). A connoisseur I am not. Fuck, before last night, I didn't even know how to operate a corkscrew. I'm not even kidding you. And yet somehow, fortune was on my side. It just so happens that I can now add bartending to my list of hidden talents. NO ONE caught on that I was an imposter. And, better yet, I even had people asking me if I had a business card, wanting to hire me for their corporate events! One man asked me what my secret was to making such a kickass gin and tonic (I swear, he came back for at least ten). My answer, told in the most dramatic way possible, was "Well you see, FIRST I take a glass and pour some gin in. THEN, I pour some tonic in. And THEN, *leans in for dramatic effect* if the mood is just right, I'll get crazy and add some ice." -_-

Workwise, this week is shaping up nicely already. I had a quick test shoot for Next with Arkan Zakharov on Sunday and a shoot with Jim Allen for Annie Thompson's fall collection yesterday. I'll be spending the next two evenings shooting for I Clothing Co's lookbook which is exciting. Until then, here are some images taken with photographer SEXtrordinaire, Jourdan Deveroe. Styling, hair and makeup were my doing.

I had an interesting conversation with a makeup artist that I worked with this past week on the sacrifices that one must make when pursuing any business venture and in this case, yes, we are discussing modeling and makeup artistry as a small business endeavor). Namely, those of the social variety. ALL of this is grist for the mill.

I've decided to close up some of my piercings, mainly, the upper six ear piercings that I've been sporting since middle school. They're starting to feel ornate and a little outdated. I am ecstatic about the results of my shoot with Denny Lee last night. Everything was great: the lighting, the makeup, the hair, the styling, the location, everything! And I greatly enjoyed the company of a very gorgeous male model: Rocky, a very docile little Chihuahua. LOVE. In the lagtime, here are some images from my shoot with Bethany Ramella. The makeup artist was Ana Wolkowski and the sunglasses were crafted by the incredible Mercura Sunglasses.

Only the pedantic expect sovereignty. Toe-tagged, tongue-tied, hog-tied. Goodbye Conrad Birdie, even if it proves unworthy. "Hear you scratch your skin, your sandpaper throat. You're a symphony, man, with one fucking note."- Elliot Smith.

Sometimes my dad surprises me. I came home today for the first day in a while and found a newspaper clipping slipped under my door with the following excerpt circled: "On this date in 1888, the body of Jack the Ripper's second murder victim, Annie Chapman, was found with her throat severed by two cuts, her abdomen slashed open, and her uterus removed." *Grins*.

The weekend was as wonderful as it was long. On Friday, I attended the casting for one of Babak's hair clients and got the job. On Saturday, I went to the CNE with Elena where I lobbied tirelessly at the Birthday Game to win my little brother a stuffed South Park "Stan" to complete his collection. On Sunday, Christine Cho and I drove out to the Ever After bridal boutique in Mississauga for our shoot with Magdalena Gmyr. The shoot went swimmingly and we even ended an hour early! Almost immediately after returning to Jourdan's house that afternoon, we decided to shoot. We drove around the city looking for good locations and got some great and dare-I-say rather "sexy" shots! Afterwards, I missioned to Ian's place where we watched the single funniest (read: cheesiest) movie I have ever seen, "Serial Killing 101". CLASSIC! On Monday, I had my shoot with Babak and his client that had just flown in for the shoot. Once we started shooting, I got a ton of great frames in under five minutes so, again, I got to leave ahead of schedule and enjoy the last of the summer sun. This week I'll be testing for Next with both Denny Lee and Negin Sairafi. Randomly enough, I will also be hostessing/serving at a party for various CAMH professionals. Here are a few images from my test with Gian Carlo Drueco.

"You can't appreciate home till you've left it, money till it's spent, your wife till she's joined a woman's club, nor Old Glory till you see it hanging on a broomstick on the shanty of a consul in a foreign town."- Henry Porter.

THESE are the glory days, yes they are. And I appreciate the hell out of them. Yesterday was hectic. I stopped by Next in the morning to pick up my comp cards *shrieks*, ran off to a commercial casting, and then had a fabulous test shoot with Gian Carlo Drueco in the evening. Today, I shot with X-Posure Images and, tomorrow, I have a casting with one of Babak's clients, followed by a couture bridal shoot on Sunday. On my off days, I'm hoping to complete a personal project- a short black and white film that has been in the works for some time now. Life excites me terribly. Here are the final images from my shoot with Wayne and Decadent Designs. Makeup was by Alyson Gough. It turned out to be more of a yoga session than anything!